Basic Counseling

A married woman had a conflict with her best friend because of money. She needed so much in putting up her business and for its permits. As she waited until the business grows up, she needed more for the benefit of her family. Her husband was sick and had no capacity of providing for the whole family. She had no choice, but to borrow money and take the risk of being a first time business woman.The friend lent her so much with incurring interests of almost 25 percent of the total debts. The woman was not able to pay on time because of the problems that came her way the past few months.Due to that, a feud arose. The situation of her husband became worse that required her to spend much and work a little harder. Because of working and too much thinking, she developed insomnia that led to her body losing weight. One of her children had to stop studying because she could not longer subsidize his needs. There were many speculations spreading in their place. There were a lot of stories made out of the problem that they were having. Some even exaggerated the issue that put the married woman and her family in a very humiliating situation. All eyes were on them that made them feel really bad.The family members, especially the mother did not wan to go out anymore to socialize and came to the point of just lying down in the bed and doing nothing. She feared even the mere fact of opening their gate when someone visits and was scared of facing their relatives due to unwanted questioning. She stopped functioning well even in the house that led to some misunderstandings between her and her husband and the children themselves. She even heard from her sister that her son did not want to admit to his classmates how they are related, because he never wanted to be asked and be treated unequally by others.Instead of talking to the friend that she owed from, she opted to cut the communication between them by not answering her calls and hiding every time she comes to their house. That made the feud worse. Because the friend thought she really never wanted to pay, she tried asking legal advices to sue the married woman. The woman never cared at all. It seemed like her financial problem let her identity change. She was never the same woman again. One day, as she was sleeping in the couch, she heard people talking outside. Mush to her realization, they were the police in their place trying to look for her.She went out and was brought by the police in heir office for some interrogation. Although very much ashamed of the neighbors watching them, she never tried hiding her face, because as much as she wanted to, the people around her would still know that it was her. So she believed there was no chance of escaping from embarrassment. Her friend, together with the police, asked her so many things about their issue and asked her to sign in a contract saying she would pay in months time together with the incurred interests. She was very much ashamed of what happened. She always cried.Her family sympathized so much with her. They were findings way to help her in paying and cheered her up for her to forget her problem even in a little while. Soon they discovered it was futile doing that. What they did was invite relatives to visit her who were all telling her that everything would turn out right. To their disappointment, it did not help too much. Even being obedient to her did not do too good in the problem. Although everyone noticed that she was needing help, nobody succeeded in making their part. She cried more and slept less. Her physical appearance talked much about what she was suffering then.She never talked about the debt and chose to walk away from the situation as much as possible. Because it seemed like it was helping, the family never mentioned about it anymore. But time went by, the due date was coming. And there, the problem started again. The same scenarios were seen regarding her behavior. I believe that the situation is not just a shal low one. It talks about money; therefore it needs to be dealing with some more legal and psychological advices. The family members, as noted, never bothered asking how the problem started and were the money was used.Nobody even asked the history of the feud and the reason why the woman was so much affected with the issue. It is just stated that they found ways to cheer her up and to help her, without even knowing the proper way of doing it and the best things that woman needed. She was not asked how much she was needing. They can also ask the help of a professional for her easy recovery on the matter. They might have used the counseling techniques for the subject to easily cope up with the situation. According to a website regarding counseling skills, it is very important to listen and communicate well to make up the major part of good counseling.What these kinds of people actually needs is the assurance that they are accurately heard by their peers and listeners. It is always best to see them calm down after they tell you their insights on the matter. They must also do probing because that is the only way to find out what else they are feeling, other than what is being asked of them. They must have used open-ended questions for them to be able to elaborate on their answers and freely state what they are feeling. Through that, the person’s burden will be lessened and would feel better. It is always good to have your feeling voiced out and revealed in a free manner.Given the freedom of speech, one gets the feeling of relief and loses the tension that she or he is experiencing. Communication is a very useful tool in helping a person feel better after a very depressing experience. In fact, many people who experienced unaccepted death of relatives and other related issues seek the help of professionals for counseling. The counsel must not be very formal in dealing with this. He or she must chose the most comfortable position while talking to the client and must show interest for the client to feel open about the situation and say more of what he or she is undergoing.What they only wanted is for them to be heard. They may use empathetic responses to the clients as they share their stories. Through this, the client would see that the counsel was able to attend well to his or her story and fully understood what she or he is feeling at the moment. They can also use the method of summarizing and paraphrasing the problem of a client. The counsel must ask the client what she or he is feeling and narrate it according to his or her desire. After hearing the client’s side, the counsel will then repeat what the she or he said to clarify issues and make sure he or she heard the client right.The counsel must use his or her own words in repeating the story for them to be ale to see the experience in a different view or perspective. By seeing it that way, the person will recognize new feelings that was not experienced believe and will therefo re be enlightened with everything. The role of the counsel is so vital because it is them who take part in the counseling. Without their proper knowledge on the right way of counseling, the purpose of it will be futile. The aim of helping the person in any manner will be useless because the rules were not executed properly.They must have a wide knowledge on counseling aside from the basics to have a successful one. Knowing the counseling techniques will be a stepping stone to be a very effective counsel that everyone looks for nowadays. In general, listening to the client, probing for further information, asking open ended questions for freedom in answering, giving emphatic responses for affection, summarizing and paraphrasing stories can be useful techniques in counseling. Many people must apply this in real life events. The person being interviewed is a woman with sic children. Four of which are boys and the rest are girls.She was a member of a broken family and had a very traumat izing experience when she was younger. Her education was sponsored by her Aunt who believed so much in her potentials and talents. She had a lot of friends in and out of school. She never bothered approaching people for friendship, instead the other people go to her to introduce themselves. She was a woman with full confidence and courage. She used to join beauty and academic contests where she gained a lot of fame and awards. She was known by everyone, because she has the beauty, the brains and the attitude.Everyone was her friend and all of them were kind to her. She came from a remote area and married a man whom she met in tertiary school. They were a happy couple then. They had all the things that they need, without forcing anyone in working. They both have good jobs that are able to provide for the needs of their family. They were indeed a happy family surrounded with love and care. It just by fate that the husband suffered from arthritis that later turned into the worse versio n of it. Every joint was already infected which made him paralyzed and bed ridden. There were no ways for him to work anymore.That was the start of all the financial problems. The husband needed therapies as the children needed support for their education. The woman did not give up, instead she worked harder and found ways to earn more. The cooperation that they have is the family is one of the strengths that they are so proud of. Their children were cooperative and everyone was industrious. They always make sure that they make their part in the house chores and responsibly do the tasks assigned to them. The woman was brave and was courageous in all the problems and challenges that come her way.She was kind to everyone that made it possible for other people to also treat her well. She is educated and was able to finish her degree with several achievements. She was always doing her best to be on top. She was technically a career woman and a successful one. Her weaknesses include her financial constraints. A lot of things get affected with her problems with money. She had been asking people to lend her some and promised to give it back in a particular day. She lost her word of honor that is why many people do not trust her at all.She had difficulty in building that trust since she did not do what she promised to the people around her. Also, because of working too much and spending a lot of time outside their home, she lost track of her children. Her family, on the other hand, did not know her at all that much. They had difficulty dealing with her because they did not know the approach to use for them to be able to start the conversation the right way. She already lost her identity outside the home and has been opting to choose going out with other people than her family.The problem that she is currently dealing with right now is the treatment and prejudice of other people towards her. A lot of the people around have not been the same anymore. Every relationship that she has with others is very civil. The intimacy of her relationships with others was lost. A lot of things changed. She’s thinking that it has something to do with her recent problem with money. She never wanted to discuss and explain to them the issue, so it ended up losing intimate relationships. Her companions are never the same people again. She also lost her confidence in everything that she does.She never asked about her old friends and just remained as she is now after the incident. Although many people stare at her when she passes by or even if strangers never forget to glance at her when she’s out, she never dared explain. She believed that everything happened for the love that she has for her family. Nowadays, a lot of people are seeking help because of some problems dealing with interpersonal issues, including relationships with other people. It is not always that they get the best solution to their problems or even get the half of the satisfaction that they need when they ask for counseling.The main purpose why they seek help is for them to minimize the emotional burden that they are having every time they think of their problems. Also, they are aiming to lessen its effects on the people near them and their daily activities. It is sometimes very serious that it even causes their dysfunction in the society. Culture is a very big factor that mold every individual and their behavior in the society. That thing makes them. It continuously affect their being as they grow older. They can adopt it even if they move out of the place where it came from.It is already difficult removing what you got in the set of culture that your society got. Every person has differences in cultural background and orientation. Each is brought up differently, thus require different approaches in counseling. According to Broom et. al in the book called Sociology: A Core Text with Adapted Readings, cultures vary in their ways of guiding human behavior. Underst anding the clients cultural background would be a very big help in giving off solutions and in the counseling itself. Knowing one’s orientation and composition will be a very big factor in deciding how to approach a client.The counsel will find it easier dealing with him or her, since she somewhat got the technique in counseling the client well. There will be a very little difficulty. There are clients who are sensitive with words and who may get offended once talked to in a manner that another client needed. Some may never want talking about the family. This may be because the client came from a broken one or had a traumatizing experience inside his or her family. Some may not want dwelling too much on personal issues like the sexual ones. Knowing this will have a great impact on the role of the counsel in active listening.Cultural competence is very much relevant in dealing with this kind of issues since they are dealing with people in cross-cultural contexts. According to a website, â€Å"Cultural competence is a set of congruent behaviors, attitudes and policies and strategies that join in a system, agency, or among professionals and enable them to work effectively to cross-cultural situations both in prevention and treatment contexts† (Cross, Dazron, Dennis and Isaacs, 1989). Cultural competence therefore is the ability to deal with the problems of people and relationships coming from different places with different cultural background.It is important to have that ability because today counseling is in demand. It will be very useful applying that ability in giving the right solutions. It is true that each person who asks for counseling has his or her own story that we must understand both in his or her context and ours. Cultural competence also helped in the relationship between the counsel and the client. It is a pre-requisite to an open relationship, which can lead to honesty and sincerity, which can make the counseling easier and more per sonal. Let us take for example the case that I have mentioned above.The woman lives in a remote are. There are probably very few people there, which means that only a number of persons know her and talk about if ever they do. Her situation now is very much different since she is living in the city where a lot of people see her everyday. Her sensitivity of gossips probably rooted out of that fact. She may not be used to people doing that to her. She is also famous in school. She had a lot of friends. Everyone knew and adored her. But her setting changed into somewhat chaotic when she gained friend whom put her into shame later on.Her trauma might have come from the reality that she is not used of being betrayed and treated in a not so nice manner. She came from a broken family, which might have taught her the values of having a beautiful family. After the family members that she has now gets affected with what she was going through, she already gave up because of the fear of having t he same kind of family again. She had a reputation in the place where she came from. Remember, she had the beauty, the brains and the attitude, so she can’t accept the fact that she became laugh stuff in the place where she is living now.The culture in their place is very much different with the culture that she is witnessing now. Moreover, her experiences in academic and beauty contests were the reasons why she was talked about in that remote area where she came from and not about debts. The counsel must find the most efficient way to hip her by studying her cultural background and be aware of the present differences. The role of the counsel is not basically to listen, but to understand. How more can he understand if he does not even know where the client came from and the cultures that brought him up?If the counsel is able to help her out of this, she may be able to function well again. She can go back to work and provide the needs of her family. She will again understand w hy she works alone and why her friend did that to her. She may go back to her normal life and be confident again with actions. She may even discover that she also sinned by not facing her friend to talk about the matter. And who knows, she may have her lost relationships back. The efficiency of a counsel can be seen on the client. I have presented in this paper that counseling plays an important role in the society.They can help patients change for the better and realize what is wrong with them by just listening and understanding their cases. In the past, counseling is just done to mentally ill patients. But now, even the mere fact that you are sad can already require professional counseling. We can’t deny that one of its purposes is to lessen attempts of suicide and other things that a patient can do due to too much depression. The counsel must be very responsible about this because ending up an interpersonal problem somewhat depends on them. They must find a way to learn wh at must be learned in order for them to be called as such.Their primary roles must given attention to by enhancing their talents in helping people with problems. References Bonjean, C. M. , D. Broom, and L. Broom. 1990. Sociology: A Core Text With Adapted Readings. California: Wadsworth Publishing Company. Cultural Competence and Professional Psychology Training. (2008). Retrieved December 7, 2008, from Goliath Website: http://goliath. ecnext. com/coms2/gi_0199-159598/Cultural-competence-and-professional-psychology. html. Counseling Skills: Basic Counseling Skills for Any Situation. (n. d). Retrieved December 7, 2008, from http://www. askmikethecounselor2. com/counselingskills. html.